Proximity
by Everlasting Faerie Light
Summary: Some things will never change. She'll always love him, while he'd rather see her dead by his hand. Male!BelarusXFem!Lithuania, AU Gakuen. M for violence, language, ideologically sensitive material, and smut/lemon.
1. Freedom

"Girl, your hair is like totally long!" Feliks exclaimed as he ran his fingers through my thick brown waist length hair. I smiled at his reflection through the mirror.

"I've been wanting to grow it out for a while, but Ivan always made me cut it once it reached past my shoulders. Now that the war is over and I'm finally…free, I don't have to cut it," I answered in a quiet voice. I felt uneasy, talking about Ivan's downfall freely, without expecting some form of intimidation or punishment.

I'm free. After so many years of Russian oppression, I am freaking free. I'm pretty happy, to be honest, though I am still overwhelemed. I guess it's the fact that I don't really know what to do with this freedom. I've always relied on Ivan to tell me what to do or what to say. Now that I'm no longer under his clutches, I can make my own decisions.

I've got a lot of learning to do.

"Well, I love it. You look so…hmm…what's the word for it? Oh yes…_elegant._ Just wait, when school starts, the boys will be all over you!" Feliks said enthusiastically, his lips turning up into a devious smirk.

I couldn't help but blush at the thought. I've never been noticed by boys. Not while I was personifying my country, never during any foreign interactions, and of course…never at school. I was one of those forgettable nations you'd pass by in the halls without a single glance. I sit in the back of the classroom and keep to myself. I don't talk to other people unless they talk to me first, and I never really say anything memorable.

In other words, I'm known as "that quiet girl who does whatever Ivan says." Alfred F. Jones has even gone so far as to refer to me as "Russia's bitch."

Sadly, there is merit to that.

Outside of school, I lived in Russia's house with my three brothers and his two siblings. In school, I always have every single class with him, sit at the same lunch table as him, and he treated me like a slave because he had enough power to do so.

I couldn't help but be a submissive nation.

Despite all that, I'm just a plain girl. I'm small, shy, and silent. I don't stand out, nor do I try to.

Besides, who the hell remembers Lithuania? Maybe if I'm lucky, some people will recognize that I'm one of the Baltics, but they can never remember which one I am. Plus, due to our long-term reliance on Ivan, we're generally grouped together with Russia and his siblings as "those Soviet bastards."

Alone, I'm nothing. But when I'm walking side by side with Russia (or trailing hopelessly behind him), people look at me with fear or disgust.

But that's over now.

Because…well, I'm free. Yes, I start school tomorrow and I will see Ivan, but things will be different. I'm no longer required to talk to him, nor am I required to always be by his side.

Maybe…maybe I can finally make a name for myself as an independent nation. I already look different enough. My hair is now long and thick, my skin looks healthier, I've gained a bit of weight so that I no longer look stringy and underfed, and I am alight with the freedom from communism.

Yes. Ivan will be shocked when he sees how different I look. I haven't seen him since I declared my independence last year in March 1990, packed my bags, and got the hell out of his house without looking back. I didn't attend school last year. I was too busy picking up my act and adjusting to freedom, wiping out any remaining soviet influence.

I've also learned that recently, both my brothers have moved out as well. I'm so proud of them and I miss them dearly. Ever since I ran off, I haven't seen them at all.

Now it's September 1991 and tomorrow will be the first time I face everyone as the new and improved Elena Laurinaitis, non-soviet Lithuania.

The thought makes my stomach flutter in both fear and excitement.

"Thanks," I grinned at Feliks. "I like it too."

"OMG! I should like totally curl your hair for tomorrow! I'll set the alarm clock a few hours early so that we can properly get ready…" he ranted.

Feliks Lucasiewicz, or Poland, is my best friend. He's as gay as pink fluffy rainbow unicorns, and I love it. He's been at my side for a long time. I remember those medieval days where we'd run around battling the Teutonic Knights. The poor guy has suffered more than me and I've never been happier to see someone in good condition, especially all the shit he went through with both Ivan and Ludwig. I know that he's still healing, even after all those years, but he's still the same old Feliks. Nothing can bring him down.

I couldn't help it. I spun around and threw my arms around my friend, my eyes filling up with tears.

It's been to long…way to long. And it's over. And he's okay and I'm okay and my brothers are okay…and I'm finally here with Feliks again at his house getting ready for an awesome new year at school.

Like everyone else, I haven't seen or spoken to Feliks since the beginning of 1990. I finally had the courage to contact him a few days ago, and to my relief, he was ecstatic when I told him that I'm coming back. I can't describe how great it was to hear his voice again.

"Whoa! I'm feeling the love, 'Lena…W- Hey! Are you like, crying?" Feliks asked, his voice slightly shocked.

"I-I'm just s-so happy to see you again!" I cried out, burying my face in his shoulder.

"Awww, girl, I'm happy to see you too. It's been way to long. But just look at you! You are like totally gorgeous now and you and I are going to kick some major ass this year. We'll look awesome every day, you can finally eat lunch with me, and we can finally get ourselves boyfriends!" he responded. I could hear the bright smile on his lips as he talked.

I frowned a bit as he mentioned boyfriends.

I've never had a real boyfriend before. The only man I have ever kissed before was Ivan, and though there have been several incidents between the two of us, he has never tried to…um…how do I put it? Pursue me. There are multiple rumors that circulate around that involve me being his "sex slave," but in all honesty, he's never tried to rape me or anything. I know, shocking. I'm actually a bit shocked myself at that. I can't count the number of times where I've slept in the same bed with him. I've cuddled with him and let him kiss me gently while we lay there, but he never made any movement to actually…touch me. I guess it's the one thing I really appreciate about Ivan Braginski.

However, my closeness to Ivan really antagonized his brother Nikolai, or Belarus.

Which brings me to another subject.

I have been in love with Nikolai since the moment he called me a "worthless spineless bitch" back in the forties.

I know, endearing, huh?

I don't know what it is about him. He's physically attractive yes, but…there's something else. His cold demeanor hides his…his…fiery passion. I've seen it on rare occasions, and it's intrigued me. Another thing that strikes me is that he is the only nation that Ivan is truly afraid of.

Nikolai is one of the most terrifying guys I have ever met. And yet, I can never get myself to actually fear him the way I do Ivan.

He hates me. He absolutely abhors me. He dislikes my brothers and I know that he doesn't necessarily like his older sister either, but I can see that he despises me with every single fiber of his being.

Why?

Because he thinks that his "dear older brother" wants me. Me and not him.

It's always been like that.

And I have always been so jealous of Ivan. It's ridiculous, but I have been. I'm jealous of the fact that he can capture and enhance Nikolai's passion and love, even if Ivan doesn't want it.

He is the one thing I have truly missed since I've left Ivan. Now that I'm independent, I won't be able to wake up in the morning, knowing that I will see Nikolai down in the kitchen, trying to pursue his brother. I won't be able to look out at the sunflower fields during the summer and see him just sitting there, his eyes closed as the light breeze brushes his platinum blonde hair from his face. I won't be able to see that constant flickering in his eyes, that twitch in his eyebrow, that hidden, yet constant smirk playing on his lips…

I even miss his death glares and death threats that are meant for me. I know. It's pathetic. Beyond pathetic that I should be a helpless bitch for a man who would rather see me drawn and quartered.

I remember that he was the last person I spoke to before I ran off last year.

I was packing my bags frantically. I was determined. I was no longer acting like a submissive good girl. I was revolting.

And I was going as fast as I could. Not two moments ago, I had officially snapped. I had screamed at Ivan, told him that I was done with it all. And I didn't say it in a very proper "ladylike" way either. Everyone in the house had witnessed it, including Yekaterina, my brothers, and Nikolai.

As I was packing, I felt someone staring up at me, and sure enough in the doorway was Nikolai. I remember that my breath was taken away and my heart started pounding, but I forced myself to look down and keep packing.

I remember him saying to me with a cold glare, _"You really have some nerve, saying that to my brother." _

And I remember responding, _"Yeah. I guess I do."_

"_You know, I can easily walk over there and kill you."_

"…_Go ahead, then…if it makes you feel better I guess."_

I remember him drawing his knife, but he didn't make any movement. He just kept staring at me with scrutinizing eyes.

"_I hate you," _he spat. "_I've always hated you."_

I just sighed as I hauled the remainder of my belongings in the bag. I looked at him from across the room, straight in the eyes.

I gave him a light smile and responded, _"I know."_

He stood there, frozen for a few seconds before turning his head away from me and growling through clenched teeth, _"Good riddance."_

I remember my shoulder brushing lightly against him as I walked out of the room. He cringed away violently.

I just sighed again, looked up at his face and smiled once again. _"Goodbye, Nikolai. It's been fun."_

Then I ran out as fast as I could, never looking back. Not once.

"Hey! Earth to Elena!" Feliks chanted, waving a hand in front of my face.

I quickly shook my head and wiped my mouth. Oh God, I was drooling. That's attractive.

Feliks looked at me skeptically. He crossed his arms and lifted an eyebrow. "You're like making your Belarus face, 'Lena. Please don't tell me that you still like him."

Ah, shit. I forgot that Feliks can tell when I'm thinking about Nikolai.

"I…uhhhh…." I drawled. Wow. I'm very convincing, aren't I?

"Puhleeazzeee, girl! The guy's a total freak. He's like sexually attracted to his brother. That's just…eiw. Now you know how much I adore hot and kinky and I don't deny that he's attractive, but incest is just a big no-no. Plus, we went over this! I'm sorry, hun, but he like hates you," Feliks ranted in an exasperated tone.

I just sighed and shook my head. I know that he's right. But I can't deny that the idea of seeing him again for the first time in over a year makes my heart pound in anticipation.

"You need to get over him. This is the new and improved Lithuania we're going to be displaying tomorrow and we need her crushing on creepy guys with a twisted brother complex."

"I-I…" I started, but then I closed my mouth.

There was no point in saying anything. Feliks would just drown me out anyways.

Plus, what he was saying was true. I am not the same submissive girl that I was when I was under Soviet control.

I'm a confident young woman now. An independent nation who has every right to praise the collapse of the Soviet Union and just…make another name for herself…a name that is not "Russia's bitch."

Yet, I'll still be myself. I'm not going to become some conceited whore. No. I'll just break out of my shell. Feliks always told me that I was more awesome then Prussia, more badass than America, and more beautiful than Hungary...but I just need to be confident and let everyone know that.

And I will. I'll make friends, dress up nicely every day, laugh at jokes, go to parties, goof off, and just live my life as both a teenage girl and a fully functional nation.

Starting tomorrow.


	2. Coming Back

"Elena! Get up!"

Feliks's voice rang in my ears and made my head pound. Ugh…what time is it? I don't think that this is actually healthy…

"If you don't get up, I will like totally chop all of your hair off!"

I groaned and rolled over on the bed. I forced myself to open my eyes. They immediately started to water and sting under the bright light of the room. I squinted and gave a large frustrated breath.

"Good. You're awake. Now go hop in the shower. And be sure to use that new shampoo I got. It literally smells like awesome sex," Feliks stated.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes, letting them adjust to the light. I glanced over at the alarm clock and saw that it was five in the morning. School doesn't start until eight thirty.

But then again, this is Feliks I'm talking about here. He's all big on appearances, especially when it comes to "special occasions." I guess the first day back for school is one of those said "special occasions." Plus, I'm going to school now as Lithuania. Not one of "those soviets" or "Russia's bitch" or "Russia's sex slave," or any other similar variation.

A sense of unease filled me at the thought of seeing Ivan for the first time since I screamed at his face and left, breaking away and contributing to the collapse of the Soviet Union. I know I shouldn't be too worried, because I'm not required to talk to him, nor am I required to be his friend. But now that I'm as equal as he is in sovereignty, could I be his friend? Or at least acquaintance? Would he hate me? Would he even acknowledge me?

I can't help but worry about him. After all, I've spent so many years with him. I'm not heartless. I actually do care about his well-being. When it all crumbled, did he fall apart as well? Is he still hurt? How injured is he? Ivan is already unstable enough as it is and I really don't want to see him plunge further into insanity.

I looked over at Feliks, who was standing in front of the full body mirror, looking at himself at different angles in his uniform.

He frowned. "I like totally need to spice this up a bit. It's too boring. I don't understand how I dealt with this print last year…"

"Isn't that against dress code?" I asked, stretching my arms out.

Feliks turned around and winked at me. "Darling, we're nations. Look back at our history. Since when have we like ever followed the rules?"

I couldn't help but smile at that. "True."

"Well, stop being a lazy ass and get in the shower! I want to do your hair!" he exclaimed.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and forced myself to stand up. I lumbered drowsily to the bathroom, where all the large bright yellow lights further mutilated my eyes.

Taking a shower successfully woke me up. It felt nice to feel the hot water against my skin. Plus, Feliks made an excellent choice with the shampoo. It really did smell nice. I couldn't quite figure out what the scent was, and the label was in Polish. I remember a time when I used to be able to speak Polish, but that was way back when Feliks and I were a joint empire…and even then my Polish sort of sucked.

I wrapped a towel around my body and then grabbed another one to dry and ruffle my hair. Now that it was so long, it was harder to take care of, especially when I got out of the shower. For as long as I remember, my hair had this unbearably nasty curl when it got wet. When my hair was shoulder length, all I would do is dry it out and straighten it quickly. But now that my hair is waist length, it's a bit more complicated. But I'm okay with it for the most part. I really adore my new long hair.

After I brushed my teeth, I walked back into the bedroom to see that Feliks was adding a few finishing touches to his blonde hair. He smirked at me. "Looking good, 'Lena. Are you like going to give me a strip tease?"

I laughed at him. "If you really want. But I'm sure you'd rather see one of my brothers give you a strip tease than me."

I gave another smile as I realized that Feliks had laid my uniform out nicely on the bed. I walked over and picked up the skirt.

"I fixed it up a bit to make it shorter. You need to like show off those legs you have. I'm so jealous of you!" Feliks said as he set down the flat iron and used his hands to appropriately "volumize" his hair.

Indeed, the skirt did look a lot shorter than usual. Oh Feliks. I don't know what I'd do without the dude.

I also realized that he had laid out my only lacy bra I had, as well as a matching thong. I rolled my eyes, but didn't say anything. I have no objections to actually wearing these…I just never did before. My undergarments have always been plain. I never worried about that stuff anyways because I never thought about actually…um…taking off my clothes for someone. Despite popular belief, I am a virgin. Seriously. As I emphasized before, I was never Ivan's "sex slave."

And Nikolai never understood that. I think those late nights where I snuck to Ivan's bed after I had a nightmare or when Ivan came to my bed on some occasions gave him the impression that we were doing it on a regular basis. I remember walking down to breakfast with Ivan a few times and seeing Nikolai sitting there, looking like he wanted nothing more than to lunge at me and plunge that knife of his straight into my heart.

And it's sad to say that I found that intensity endearing.

I always wondered how Ivan would react if I ever told him that I was infatuated with his younger brother. It's a complete mystery to me. Would he be angry? Would he be indifferent? Would he be amused? Would he try and encourage me to seduce Nikolai just to get him to stop creeping on him?

No one except Feliks knows that I have a thing for Nikolai. My brothers are terrified of him and they never understood why I never showed fear around him. I think that Yekaterina may have noticed, but she never said anything.

I shook my head quickly to rid myself of endless thoughts. I had to let go of these things. They no longer concern me because I am no longer part of _their_ group.

I quickly changed into the uniform and was surprised by how comfortably it fit. In the past years, my uniform has always been bigger than it should've been. It always had the tendency to hang limply on my arms and I had to pin the skirt to prevent it from slipping down my hips. But now that I had gained a few pounds, my uniform was perfect. It made me extremely happy.

And I realized that Feliks really did cut off a lot of the skirt. It barely reached the middle of my thighs.

After a few more minutes, Feliks grabbed me and started messing with my hair and makeup. Well, I can't say "messing." He's a freaking expert at this kind of thing. I couldn't help but laugh at his enraptured face of concentration. I can't remember the last time I've actually worried about my hair and my overall appearance. While living with Ivan and the others, I never wore makeup, fixed my hair, or wore nice clothes. The last time I really worried about my appearance was back during a masquerade in the seventeen hundreds.

"OMG, girl! You look totally gorgeous!" Feliks exclaimed as he stepped aside to let me look at myself in the mirror.

He was right. I did look pretty. And I wasn't used to it. I gaped for a few minutes as Feliks stood beside me smugly.

My long brown hair fell in loosely curled locks down to my waist, and I wore a red headband. My bangs were side swept, as opposed to being split down the middle. My face looked evenly toned rather than the pale white it usually was and my blue eyes popped out with the added eyeliner and mascara. And yet, it wasn't too overwhelming, which I appreciated.

"Um…wow…" I said dumbly.

Feliks just laughed. "Welcome back to the real world, bitch."

XX

We were a bit late to school because Feliks was having an intense internal (or not so internal) debate on which pair of shoes to wear. Then, by the time we got out the door and to his car, he insisted that we stop at this fancy little shop that serves coffee and other small meals…which didn't make sense since we just ate breakfast.

So, by the time we reached the academy, we had to run inside and go to the front office to grab our schedules. The familiar hallways of the world academy took my breath away. I know it's been only a bit over a year since I've been here, but it really hit home. It made me realize that I'm back and I will be seeing everybody again.

Feliks and I stopped at the front office. I could never remember the desk lady's name. Yet, she's been here for as long as I remember. Her stern face and pulled back bun were exactly as I remembered. She looked up at us and frowned.

"Welcome back Mr. Lukasiewicz, I trust that your vacation is well?" she asked in a monotone voice as she typed away on her computer.

Feliks smirked and answered, "Of course, m'am. Never better."

"I'm glad to hear that. Here's your schedule," she said as she handed him a piece of paper. She then turned her gaze to look at me with a blank expression.

"What's your name?" she asked.

I was taken aback. She never had a problem recognizing me before. Yeah, I wasn't here last year, but that was just one school year…

"Um…Elena Laurinaitis…y'know…Lithuania?" I said hesitantly, twisting my fingers together.

The lady just stared at me blankly for a few more seconds before her eyes widened in shock. "I-I'm sorry, Miss Laurinaitis…I just didn't recognize you. You look a bit different from what I remember. I'm trusting independence is serving you well?"

She gave me a tentative smile as she said this. I couldn't help but grin back.

"It's very nice, thank you," I responded. She handed me my schedule and both Feliks and I walked out of the room, comparing schedules.

"Hey, we like have the first three classes together!" he said.

It was true. We had mathematics first period, then literature, and then PE. After that, we split off until our last period of the day, which was world history. I always found it quite ridiculous that we nations are actually required to take world history. I mean, we're the ones who made it.

"Which dorm room are you?" he asked.

At the World Academy, we have co-ed dorms. In fact, it's common for nations of opposite genders to share dorms. There aren't restrictions about that because we are sovereign nations and the instructors of this academy don't like to interfere with those sort of "affairs." I remember that for many years, I always ended up sharing a dorm with Ivan. Some years I got to be with Feliks or my brothers. I think there were one or two years where I ended up sharing with Yekaterina and Elizabeta.

"I'm in 568," I responded.

"566. We're practically neighbors. I wonder who I'm sharing with this year," he said.

"Well, let's just hope it's not Alfred again," I reasoned.

Feliks shuddered. "That bastard was like totally annoying. I wanted to literally stab myself every time he talked. Plus, he snores when he sleeps, which is like a total turn-off."

Then, the familiar sound of the bell echoed through the halls. Feliks and I took off at lightning speed, but we both got lost (this wouldn't be the first time.) It didn't help that the math room is inconveniently located on the top floor. By the time we reached the room, everyone else was seated at the teacher was about to start the class. So all in all, both Feliks and I were sort of singled out.

I got a glimpse of my math class as I walked in and my heart beat quickened. It was so strange to see the nations again. Some looked the same, and some looked a bit more mature than what I last remembered. The class was medium sized. Among the few I immediately spotted were Arthur Kirkland, who was sitting straight up in his desk with that usual air of "dignity," Francis Bonnefoy, who was attempting to flirt with a small blushing micro nation with pigtails, Gilbert Beilschmidt, who was chatting animatedly with a smiling Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, and Feliciano Vargas, who just sat there with that oblivious grin.

When Feliks and I entered, everyone stared. And stared. And stared.

Their eyes started to make me self conscious. I absent mindedly twirled a piece of my long brown hair around my finger as I searched desperately for a seat.

I saw it. I saw Gilbert eyeing me before whispering something in Antonio's ear, who nodded, his wide eyes also glued to me. Feliks grabbed me around the wrist and we both made our way to two seats in the back of the classroom. I ignored passing glances as I walked.

I scolded myself. I need to do better than this! I can't let it bother me. I have to be confident! I'm Lithuania and I'm a free sovereign nation. I'm not part of the USSR anymore. I'm not one of _them. _I'm no longer "Russia's bitch" or "that Baltic chick who lives with Russia."

Thankfully, there was no Ivan, Yekaterina, or Nikolai in this class. I don't think I'm ready to face them yet. However, I was sitting right behind none other than Mister Awesome himself.

It was inevitable. The albino turned around and stared at me, a mixture of amusement and skepticism present in his eye.

"Hey, you're that Soviet chick right?" he asked.

I grimaced. "Yes…I mean no. No."

"Are you, or aren't you?"

"I'm not," I sighed. "I got independence."

"So you don't live with Braginski anymore?" he pressed.

"No."

"Where were you last year?"

I stared at him full in the face. "Why does it matter to you?"

"I'm just wondering. Your name's Elena right?"

"Yeah."

"Wait…your um…Latvia right?"

My eyebrow twitched in irritation. I don't understand why people actually like Gilbert Beilschmidt.

"Lithuania," I stated through gritted teeth.

"Right…" he drawled. Then he smirked. "You look different."

"Yeah…"

He paused again for a second, but then he continued. "So…now that you don't live with Braginski, does that mean you guys don't do it anymore?"

"W-What?"

"You know what I mean."

Now, I was extremely annoyed. In fact, I was getting pissed off. In situations like this, I always taught myself to just deal with it silently and not say anything. But that was when I was small insignificant Elena Laurinaitis. Now, I'm independent Lithuania, and I am going to act on instinct.

"You know what? Why don't you try and worry about your own country's affairs. Oh wait! That's right! You're not even a nation anymore, are you? You may not want to admit it, but everyone else knows that you've been denounced as a nation back in the 40's. Shit happens, so you deal with it yourself. So unless you have anything intelligible to say to me, I suggest you turn around and leave me the hell alone," I spat. I felt a strange fire in my chest. I felt strong. I felt free. And I liked it.

Gilbert stared at me dumbstruck, before he glared at me, his red eyes menacing. "Since when did you become such cruel bitch?"

He almost sounded hurt.

"Maybe I've always been one. Who knows? I never had the chance to speak for myself in a long time, so please don't ruin it," I responded.

With that, he turned around and didn't look back at me once. But I knew that the news would be spreading like wildfire…that I, the quiet soviet Baltic chick, became a fiery bitch and insulted the awesome Prussia.

Feliks was staring at me with a mixture of shock and pride. I gave him a small smile and he winked at me, giving me the thumbs up.

Today was definitely going to be interesting.


	3. Belorussian Threat

The first two classes were generally uneventful. Math was boring, as per usual. We didn't even learn anything since it was the first day. Mr. Wong, otherwise known as the continent of Asia, just went over the syllabus. I never understood why we had to do that. We're sovereign nations…and we're cooped up in a classroom, going over a syllabus, when it's essentially the same every year. I noticed a few times that some of the nations were glancing back at me with curious expressions on their faces. It was unnerving to be honest. I'm not used to this sort of attention. Usually, I don't even earn a passing glance, unless I'm with Ivan and the others.

Literature was also boring. I never liked our literature teacher. His name was Mr. Eropa, or the continent of Europe, and he was the most pretentious and noisy man I have ever met. He was also sort of a pervert. But I learned to ignore it over the years. Still, coming back after over a year of absence made me realize how annoying he truly was.

On the bright side, I saw that my brother Eduard was in my class. My breath caught at the sight of him and I was immediately hit with a wave of emotions. I wanted to reach out so badly and embrace him. He looked a bit different. He wasn't as pale, his hair shined, and he had an air of confidence around him. I could tell that he was enjoying freedom from the Soviet Union as well.

Feliks and I made sure to take seats right behind Eduard. I took a deep breath and poked him in the neck. He jumped up in alarm and spun around. He stared at me quizzically for a few seconds before his eyes widened and realization spread across his face.

"E-Elena?" he choked out.

I bit my lip and nodded before saying, "Eduard…"

A smile spread across his face.

"Oh God…it's really you! I-I've missed you so much and I know that you wanted to be alone, but Raivis and I have been worried sick and…you look different…" he ranted.

I smiled at him in return. "Is it a good different?"

He nodded fervently. "Yes. You look well, Elena. I'm proud of you. I'm just so happy now. We're finally free and Raivis…"

"How is Raivis?" I asked. I really missed my youngest brother. He was so small…I sincerely hoped that he didn't get it to bad when he broke off from the Soviet Union.

Eduard frowned slightly. "Raivis is…well. He's still a bit…um…effected by the whole thing."

I bristled, a feeling of dread welling up in my stomach. Feliks looked pissed as he asked, "Did the commie bastard like do something to him?"

Eduard sighed and responded with a bitter smile, "Don't sound so surprised. Ivan has done many things to a lot of people."

I cringed at that statement. I knew that the bodies of my both of my brothers were covered in scars. Scars that will never go away.

I remember those nights where I heard their screams echo throughout that house, piercing the silence and making me cry. I remember that I would try and visit my brothers and I would always have to hide whenever Ivan walked by, that eerie smile on his face, his hands and clothes covered in blood.

Yes. Ivan Braginski was a ruthless and cruel person. But there was something about him that was always off. He wasn't all bad. I could see that. He was…a tortured person. So I pitied him.

Ivan never touched me like that. He never raised his hand against me. Yet, he did have a hold on me mentally. And he would punish me.

My body is full of scars as well.

But they weren't from Ivan.

No. When Ivan was displeased with me, he always had Nikolai.

Nikolai was more than willing to pick up the pipe for him. He had no mercy when he brought the weapon down on me. He never had anything but spite in his eyes as he stared at my helpless body on the ground, covered head to toe in MY blood.

And yet, I could never bring myself to hate him. I sometimes wish I could, but I just…I don't know.

No one knows that it's actually Nikolai who physically punished me in place of Ivan. I don't understand why Ivan could never lay a hand on me himself, but I never questioned. My brothers just assume that I get the same treatment as they do from the Russian nation. If Feliks knew that it was Nikolai who brought the weapon down on me and that I still find myself attracted to him, he would throw a huge bitch fit.

And I don't understand it myself. Maybe I have some sort of weird fetish for guys who beat me senseless with a pipe, slashes my skin with a knife, and…well…you get the idea.

Before any of us could respond, Mr. Eropa started the class. I noticed that Feliks still looked furious. I quickly glanced around the classroom and was pleased to see that Ivan, Nikolai, nor Yekaterina were anywhere in sight. Maybe if I was lucky, I wouldn't have classes with them…

Oh who am I kidding? I have at least one class with all of the nations. I even have a few with some of the individual states of America.

Maybe Ivan didn't show up to school this year. Maybe he's taking a year off like I did? He did just suffer a major blow after all. And if he isn't attending school, that means Nikolai isn't either. I was sure of it.

The class ended after a lengthy rant from Mr. Eropa about the consequences of plagiarism. I had PE next. To my relief, both Feliks and my brother were in my class. We headed to the gym once the bell rang and I separated from the two of them at the locker rooms.

When I walked in, I was greeted with a lot of stares.

There was Elizabeta, who was tying her long brown hair up in a ponytail, her eyes set upon me suspiciously. Lilli,wearing a white shirt that looked much too large for her, looked up at me with her wide innocent looking eyes. Carmella crinkled her eyebrows at me in mild surprise before she turned back to her locker. Michelle was also there, her long brown hair tied up in a bun as she slipped her sneakers on. She was avoiding my gaze.

But the person who really caught my attention was Yekaterina, or as some would call her, Katayusha. But it's not like I was ever permitted to really call her that.

Her face was as innocent and kind as ever. Her short platinum blonde hair framed her face and her white T-shirt looked extremely tight around the chest area. (As per usual)

Her eyes settled on me and they widened in surprise. She opened her mouth and she looked like she was going to say something, but I quickly averted my gaze and wandered toward an open locker, where there sat the standard white t-shirt, gym shorts, and sneakers.

I also realized that since I had entered the room, a strange hush fell over the whole room. No one was talking. Everyone dressed in silence, avoiding each other's gazes. I snuck another look at Yekaterina. I realized that she did look a bit better as well. I guess freedom from the Soviet Union also benefitted her. Yet, there was sadness there as well. With just one glance at her face, I could tell that things aren't going so well for her brothers. The thought sent an icy chill down my spine.

I was quick to head out of the locker room and into the gym. Thankfully, I wasn't the only one. To my delight, I saw Feliks standing there, chatting with Eduard, both in their gym clothes. I laughed at the sight of Feliks in something so…bland. It was a bit hard to process.

But next to Eduard stood none other than Raivis, smiling shyly as he added a few words to the conversation that both Feliks and Eduard were having. He turned his head and when he spotted me, I ran right at him. I wrapped my arms around him and started laughing.

"Oh my gosh, Raivis! I've missed you so much!" I cried, feeling the tears form in my eyes.

"Hey, girl. No tears. You'll like ruin my handiwork," Feliks remarked with a smile. I pulled away from Raivis, but I kept my hands on his shoulders, looking him over.

He got…taller. A lot taller. Last time I saw him, he was about my height. Now, he's about as tall as Eduard. I actually have to crane my neck to look him in the eyes. His eyes shined as he smiled brightly at me.

"I've missed you as well, Elena. I can't believe it's been over a year," he said, his voice dripping with sentimentality. I hugged him again before reaching up to ruffle his hair.

"Sad. I have to stand on my tiptoes to actually touch the top of your head," I remarked with a slight frown.

"We were bound to surpass you sometime, sis," Raivis responded, patting the top of my head.

After a few more minutes, the other students started to mill into the gym as well, a low mumble of conversation filling in the otherwise empty silence. I immediately saw that Elizabeta was staring at Roderich, a light blush painting her cheeks. Nothing has changed there. The two dated for a while, but then they broke up due to some diplomatic factors that involved their countries. The two obviously still like each other. Anyone can see that. Lilli had already attached herself to her brother Vash...well….he's not really her brother, but he took her in and considers her his little sister. I'm actually surprised that they manage to keep that sort of relationship. You'd think that after a while, the two would end up liking each other romantically.

But my heart stopped…literally stopped…when I saw Yekaterina meekly approach two tall and very attractive men. Two men with platinum blonde hair and bright purple eyes, ones more wide and innocent looking than the other. Two men with a frosty exterior and dark aura that seemed to chill the room. Two men who have torn apart the foundations of my mental state for so many years.

Ivan always proved to be a powerful presence with his height and shockingly intimidating aura. Seeing him again made my throat dry and my skin tingle. And yet…I could tell that there was something extremely off about him. He looked…tired. There were dark bags under his eyes and he had a generally more disheveled look. His eerie smile even looked a bit off.

Nikolai's face looked more shadowed than his brother's. His very presence seemed to resonate a darkness that swirled around aimlessly, tainting the air. His messy disheveled platinum blonde hair fell into his piercing purple colored eyes that seemed to stab everything they lay upon. He looked…well…pissed off. As per usual. Especially in a white shirt and a pair of gym shorts.

He was also taller than when I last saw him. And…and…he also looked as bad as his brother. He looked ill, purple bags also circling his eyes and a strangely darkened aura enrapturing his whole bodice.

He's still the most beautiful person I had ever laid my eyes on.

I watched as Yekaterina and Ivan exchanged a few words, almost in a formal way. Ivan was smiling grimly and Nikolai was glaring menacingly at his sister.

"O-Oh…" Eduard squeaked in fear as his eyes landed on the platinum blonde trio.

Raivis tightened his grasp on my arm and Feliks glared menacingly at them. I didn't know what to do. I gulped and let out a shaky breath. I kept my eyes on Nikolai.

Finally, he looked away from his siblings and his eyes found mine.

_SHIT!_

I had the immediate instinct to look away, but I kept my gaze on his. It was like…Nikolai was challenging me. His bright eyes narrowed dangerously at me. I struggled to breathe properly, but I didn't break his gaze. I wasn't going to show fear. No. I'm not going to make him think that I am the same submissive nation.

_My God, he is the most gorgeous boy I have ever seen._

It all flashed through my mind. His insults. His face and hands covered in blood. His devilish grin. Those secret moments where he looked…where he looked almost at peace…standing in that sunflower field in the summer…

I will just use that to my advantage. I'll tell myself that despite his ruthlessness and twisted mental state, Nikolai Braginski had a vulnerable spot. It's not my place to use it against him, but I'll just think of it to give me hope…hope for what? I don't know.

Ivan and Yekaterina also turned to look at us. Raivis was visibly shaking and Eduard was looking at his feet.

With an eerie smile, his purple eyes twinkling, Ivan made his way forward.

Oh boy. Here goes nothing.

I could literally feel Ivan's huge shadow looming over me.

"Hello, comrade. No…that's not right," Ivan said with a small laugh as he shook his head almost in a pitiful, childlike way. My heartstrings started to tug unceremoniously.

"I can't call you that anymore. Let me start again. Hello, Elena…Eduard, Raivis…Feliks."

For some reason, I felt the tears sting my eyes. I willed them not to fall. Why was I crying right now? Was this sympathy? Sympathy for what? What did Ivan ever do for me?

I know. Not much. But he was still always there. And it…actually hurt somewhat to actually see him and his siblings again.

I looked back up at his face. He gave another sad smile as his eyes pierced me. "Long time, no see, da?"

I clenched my fists and took a deep breath, trying not to appear shaken. I gazed past Ivan's looming figure to see Yekaterina staring at her feet, a somber expression on her face. Nikolai…he was still glaring at me. With so much seering intensity that I felt like he was physically stabbing me in the gut. My breath caught as I looked at him.

I quickly looked away and calmly back into Ivan's face. "I-It's nice to see you again, Ivan."

Ivan stood there, just staring down at me with that same cracked smile. Finally, he closed his eyes and turned away, saying, "It's nice to see you as well. All of you."

I watched in agony as he slowly turned away and walked back toward his siblings. My breath hitched as I saw a thick scar running along the back of Ivan's neck.

That was never there before.

I bit my lip and shuddered, clutching onto Raivis's arm, squeezing it.

"That was…" Eduard started.

"He's…so…ruined…" Raivis remarked with a disturbed voice.

"Hmmph. Serves him right," Feliks snapped, glaring at the trio angrily.

But something else caught my attention. As the three walked off toward the opposite end of the gym, Nikolai tossed his head over his shoulder and sent me another spine-chilling glare. It was almost as if he were telling me that…that this wasn't over. That he'd get me.

And I was afraid…a little bit. But if anything, I was more entranced.

And that's just not right.

PE class was also generally uneventful. We went over the class expectations for a bit, before we were basically allowed to do whatever we wanted. I spend the majority of the period laughing with Feliks and catching up with my brothers. Yet, I was still troubled. I felt…I felt as if someone was watching me.

I instinctively looked over in Nikolai's direction, but he never once looked at me. He seemed preoccupied with his siblings.

Another thing that bothered me was that there seemed to be an unnatural…distance between he and Ivan. For as long as I remembered, Nikolai attached himself to his brother like a leech. He followed and accompanied him everywhere, worshipped the ground he walked on, treated his items with the utmost care…everyone who got close to Ivan was his enemy. And that made me his number one arch nemesis.

In Nikolai's eyes, Ivan was God. His unhealthy obsession with his brother unnerved many and it scared Ivan himself. As I mentioned before, Nikolai is the only nation that Ivan seems to fear.

Yet, now that I look at them, there seems to be tension. Whenever Ivan moved, Nikolai seemed to inch away from his brother. In fact, he was barely looking at him.

I told myself that I shouldn't worry about it. I don't need to concern myself with those three anymore. Essentially, I have nothing to do with them anymore. I'm Lithuania. I'm not just another part of the Soviet Union.

Yet, there was definitely something off. Especially about Nikolai.

The class was ended with the bell and I sauntered back toward the locker rooms. I agreed with Feliks and my brothers that I would meet them in the courtyard once I was done changing. We did have a free period after all.

I avoided all of the girls, especially Yekaterina, as I changed. Once I was done, I walked out into the still empty hallway. Hmmm…it seems like not many have a free fourth period.

The hallway seemed…eerily empty. The sun that hesitantly shined through the windows didn't seem bright enough. The shadows still lurked around the corners and the path seemed to stretch on and on before me endlessly.

I gulped and walked forward, my feet echoing through the hallway.

This wasn't right. Where the fuck was everybody?

Suddenly, before I could think another thought, I felt a tight painful grip on my arm as I was yanked sideways. I squealed in surprise and in a swift movement, I felt myself being smashed against the wall in a dark janitor's closet. Someone hand was on my mouth, making it hard to breathe. I squirmed and attempted to make as much noise as I could, but I immediately stopped as I felt the tip of a knife blade press against the skin of my neck.

Shit….

Through the darkness, I saw the face of Nikolai, mere inches away from mine. His piercing purple eyes blazed at me through his platinum blonde bangs.

His face was twisted in a passionate hatred that made my stomach flutter and my heart beat violently against my chest.

"Listen here, you little bitch," he spat, his face inching closer and closer to mine.

"I don't care if you're independent. I don't give a fucking shit if you don't want to have anything to do with us anymore…"

Fuck. Was this really happening right now? Why wasn't I more scared?

"You…you hurt my brother. You and your stupid pathetic brothers. You have some nerve showing up here again, you know that? Big brother's not the same. He's completely wrecked and it's your fault…" he spat, his voice husky with passionate dissent. My toes curled unceremoniously as his sweet breath cascaded over me.

He pressed the blade harder against my skin and I gasped. He bent down so that his lips brushed gently against my ear. Chills traveled down my spine and the temperature seemed to heat up. I was breathing raggedly against his surprisingly soft hand and the small millisecond touch of his lip against my earlobe sent a bolt of electricity through my whole body.

"I'll avenge him. Not now, but I will. And you'll all be sorry for ruining him. If I were you…"

He swiftly withdrew the blade from my throat and down to the collar of my shirt, slashing through the first button and pressing the blade against the skin between my breasts…all in a span of about point five seconds. I gave another gasp at the shocking cold that brazed my skin.

"I'd watch my step."

With that, he withdrew the dagger, and with one graceful movement, he smashed the door to the janitor's door open and walked away in such a fluid way that it was reminiscent to gliding.

I stood there numbly, my heart pounding, my cheeks and skin flushed, and the top part of my blouse completely slashed open.

My lips still tingled where his hand was.


	4. The Roommate

I think my day was just officially ruined. All intentions of being the newly confident Lithuanian nation flew out the window when I felt Nikolai press the blade against my skin. It's pathetic I know, but I can't help but shake with fear and…and something else. Lust? There really is something wrong with me. I know that the Belarusian is a sick, twisted, crazy man. Feliks is right. I don't know why I let myself even fall for him. But I did, and there's no going back. At least for me.

And that's the sickening part. No matter what he's going to end up doing to me, my dignity will be down at my ass, and I'll still pine for him. It's not supposed to be this way. My Soviet days are done. My oppression days are done. I'm allowed to fight back if someone decides to bring a weapon down on me again. And that includes Nikolai. But…but what if I can't get myself to do it? What if he really hurts me, and I let him?

I didn't tell anyone about this. As the day progressed, I think that Feliks noticed something off about me, but he didn't push it. I might not be so lucky later. He'll probably pester it out of me. My brothers were pretty oblivious. I'm happy for that. They just seemed content to be independent, away from the thickening horror of that damn formerly Soviet household.

During our free fourth period, Feliks, my brothers, and I went to grab some coffee on campus, before going on a walk. We reminisced some more, talking about everything and anything except for the long chunk of time at Ivan's house. We didn't address the intimidation, the hatred, the chaos, the dysfunctional family, the beatings, the scars, the confusion, the conflicting emotion, the fall, the screaming…no. We didn't need to talk about it. We lived through it together and we just understood. Feliks knew this as well. Although he didn't live in Ivan's house, I knew that he could grasp the terror. After all, his people were ravaged by both Russia and Germany, and his nation was the home of many unwanted abominable concentration camps.

I tried to maintain some form of confidence as the day progressed, but it was difficult – especially with all of the nations staring you down. I already felt bad for what I said to Gilbert, and I could tell immediately that I had really hit a sore spot with him. He didn't even bother to glance my way when I was present. Also, for my last three periods, I either had Ivan, Yekaterina, or Nikolai in my class.

For Science, I had Yekaterina sitting next to me. It wasn't too bad I guess. She sent me a very timid smile before minding her own business. Yekaterina was the only sane one in Ivan's house. She cried a lot and no one took her seriously, because whenever she walked, her boobs would bounce up and down like no other. Seriously, I don't know how the girl got such big boobs. I don't know whether to feel jealous, or sorry for her.

Thing is, she was the one who bandaged me and stroked my hair after I had just been beaten. We never said much to each other, but I appreciated it. I also think that she knows it's not Ivan who brought the weapon down on me.

In art, I found myself sitting fairly close to Ivan. My breath still hitched at the mere sight of him. He just looked so…defeated. He still had that eerie smile and that strange cold aura, but that didn't stop my heart from breaking.

The first day was free improvisation painting, so we could talk. I couldn't help myself.

"Ivan?" I asked in a quiet voice.

He didn't respond. He just stared at his canvas.

"Ivan, look…" I breathed out, closing my eyes, telling myself to keep my voice steady.

"Da?" he said. He didn't look at me.

But I knew he was waiting for me to say something. What do I say? What was I going to say to him?

I gulped and continued, "I-I…um…are you alright?"

Ivan closed his eyes and smirked slightly, almost mockingly. "Do you think I'm okay, Elena?"

My heart jumped to my throat. Did he just call me Elena? He never called me Elena before…not that I could recall. I was always comrade, or Bolshevik, or Lithuania, or Liet. Never Elena. No one ever called me Elena in that house except for my siblings.

"I'm sorry. I really am…but…" I said, glad that my voice sounded pretty stable.

He shook his head slightly, his purple eyes glowing with a sort of sadness. "It had to happen. I know. Don't apologize. I was bound to fall sometime."

My stomach seemed to flip. I've never heard him say such a logical sentence in my life. Every time he spoke, there was a nasty or intimidating undertone to it. Well, almost always. He did have his tender moments. But I've never heard him accept defeat. I never thought I WOULD hear him accept defeat.

"Yes. But that doesn't mean I hate you. Y-You understand that, right?" I asked.

Ivan smiled at me. "You've changed a lot. I can honestly say that…"

I gulped.

"…I'm proud. How funny. I didn't think that I would feel this way when I saw you again. I thought that perhaps I'd be angry. You understand, da?"

For once, I didn't feel intimidated or scared when he spoke to me. I just felt a bad sad. I nodded in understanding.

"I understand, Ivan…o-oh…I'm allowed to call you that right?"

I never called him Ivan. Ever. I called him Mr. Russia, or Master, or something along those lines. And yet…here I am using his first name almost carelessly. Well, he hasn't protested yet, so I'm hoping it's alright…

"Da. I'm not your master, anymore," he answered.

I sighed. "Y-yeah. And…you can keep calling me Elena…if you want. I like it better than being called Lithuania."

Ivan's eyes twinkled slightly. "Elena is a very pretty name."

I couldn't help but smile back.

Maybe…maybe I could tell him about Nikolai…get it off my back…

No. I'm an independent nation now. I had to deal with this myself. I can't just rely on Ivan for everything anymore.

I had my last class, world history, with Nikolai. He sat right behind me. At least I had Feliks with me as well. He helped ease the tension…even by just a little bit. I couldn't relax against my chair though, not when I felt his eyes searing the back of my head. Not when I feared that I would feel a dagger against my spine.

And I couldn't focus. It's like I had some sort of Nikolai-radar. His presence was eating away at my skin. I couldn't breathe properly. I knew that he was glaring at me. I could feel it. I could literally feel his huge abominable waves of hatred crashing down on me. I think Feliks realized this too, because he was looking at me uneasily.

I wanted to glance backwards so badly, but I was terrified to. I didn't want to display fear on my face. No. No fear allowed. I can't let myself be afraid of another nation. I've had way too much of that.

I thought I could get over this. I was always afraid of Ivan, but I could never harbor anything but warmth for Nikolai. But now, the roles were reversed. I don't fear Ivan anymore. But I am terrified of Nikolai.

Bu that doesn't mean my feelings for him aren't hindered.

And that's just beyond stupid.

Once the bell rang, I let out a breath and stood up. I made the mistake of turning around and coming face to face with Nikolai. I was frozen for a second, my throat dry and my heart pumping against my ribcage. The skin between my breasts where he had placed the blade seemed to throb.

His violet eyes pierced me like a knife as he shoved past me, not being discreet about making sure I stumbled.

I looked after him, my mouth wide open. He seemed to stand out amongst the mob of students, the icy and almost intoxicating aura swirling around him.

"Did he just like shove you?" Feliks snapped, his eyes narrowing at the door.

"Um…"

"Because if he did, I will like kill the bastard."

Oh Feliks…if only you knew what else he did today.

I just shook my head. "Old grudges die hard. It'll pass with time."

"You better be right. I still think that guy's bad news."

I bit my lip before responding, "They're all bad news."

After that class, Feliks and I headed up to check out our dorms and maybe change into some more comfortable clothing. After all, we had the rest of the day to ourselves. I was considering dropping by my country just to check how things were, but I changed my mind last minute, realizing that I wasn't really in the mood. After all, I'd get an urgent report if something was wrong. Plus…I'd feel it.

The dorm hallways were just as I remembered them. Long, tall, and lined with wooden doors engraved with numbers. Feliks's room was right across from mine.

He winked at me and said, "Let's pray for good roommates this year."

I nodded before pulling out my key and sticking it into the lock of Room 568. I pushed the door open to see the familiar white room with the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. There were twin beds in the room, one propped by the window, one against the left of the wall, and another right next to it. I guess, I'll be having two roommates this year.

And the room wasn't empty.

I had just walked in to Alfred F. Jones, his shirt and pants off. He was in nothing but his boxers.

Oh dear Lord. I quickly covered my eyes, feeling my cheeks going red as I mumbled, "Shit! I'm sorry!"

"It wouldn't hurt to knock, you know," he responded in a slightly snappy voice. That made me feel worse. Alfred wasn't one to be snappy.

"Sorry…I just assumed…I didn't know…"

So one of my roommate is Alfred F. Jones, country of the United States of America. Otherwise known as "the hero." The guy who barely gives me a second glance, who confuses me for one of the other Baltics, the one who doesn't even know my real name, and the one who calls me "Russia's bitch."

Great. Excellent bonding opportunities right here.

"It's fine. It's your room too. Sorry for um…well…I'll just finish changing ," he responded lamely. Once he was finished, I uncovered my eyes and tentatively took a step forward. My things were on the bed right under the window. I sighed in relief as I made my way over there.

"Um…I'm sorry. What's your name again?" he asked.

I turned to look at him. His glasses were askew and he stared at me with curious cerulean eyes. He looked kinda stupid to be honest. But everyone also knew that Alfred was very attractive, no matter his circumstance. I couldn't disagree with that. I felt a blush creep on my cheeks.

"It's Elena Laurinaitis," I responded.

"You're…Lithuania, right?"

"Yeah."

There was a slight silence as I turned to my suitcase, unzipped it, and pulled out a red loose fitting T-shirt. Oh God, Feliks will kill me for wearing this "monstrosity," but I was always one for comfort over looks.

"You look different from what I remembered."

"Oh? Good or bad thing?" I responded, surprised to hear that I sounded almost…flirty? Where the hell did that come from?

He laughed in response. He had a nice laugh. Maybe I could become friends with Alfred F. Jones.

"Definitely a good thing. No offense, but you always looked so…weak before."

"I know. But different times call for change," I mused. Yes. I'll wear this red shirt. Feliks be damned. Maybe I'll be extra daring and pull on a pair of sweats…

There was another silence. Then I heard him speak again.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I ever…um…insulted you before. Just wanted to get that out of the way. It's just…I don't like Russia or his groups and you were part of it then…and I didn't understand that you sort of had no choice…and the hero isn't supposed to judge people like that…" he started to rant in an almost child-like way.

I couldn't help but smile as I turned around to face him. Everyone says that Alfred F. Jones is hot. I disagree. I think that he's more…cute than anything.

"It's fine, and understandable. It doesn't matter anymore anyways," I responded. He grinned sheepishly in response, scratching the back of his head.

I turned back toward my clothing and said, "Hey, can you turn around for a sec? I need to change."

"Yeah, sure," he responded. I looked over my shoulder to see him facing the opposite wall. I quickly stripped myself of my uniform, slipped on the red shirt and the gray sweats. Aww, so comfy! I love pajama-like clothing. Feliks always snapped at me whenever I wore it in public, but it's not like I give a damn. Well…until he forcefully grabs my arm and strips me himself. I would call it violation, but…oh God. The thought makes me laugh.

"Okay, you can turn around now," I responded.

Alfred turned around before musing, "The only problem with co-ed dorms is the whole changing thing. Don't be too embarrassed if I accidentally walk in on you naked. Just a heads up. It's happened before."

My cheeks flushed at his statement, but I just shrugged in response and answered, "Alright then."

He collapsed on his bed, laying out spread eagled, his arms and legs dangling off the mattress. "Hey, do you know who our other roommate is?"

I shook my head. "No. I hope he or she is nice though."

He nodded in agreement. "It better not be Francis. The dude will freaking screw anything that breathes."

True. Very true. I remember my Christmas experience with Francis Bonnefoy. It involved some alcohol, and it wasn't very pretty. Let's just say that in the end, Ivan and his pipe got involved. Francis ended up bleeding on the floor and my virginity was still intact. (Thank God.)

"Yeah, I know," I said with a slight laugh.

I stared at the empty bed. The mysterious roommate's belongings sat there, all in black bags. I frowned. Who would have black bags? It's too generic to tell. I didn't want to go snooping though. Knowing me, I'd mess it up somehow and misplace a few items.

"I already checked the bags. There's no name on them," Alfred said from the bed. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly. He looked quite comfortable on the twin sized mattress.

Suddenly, the door creaked open. My head snapped toward it to see who was entering.

And, my heart started to pound.

My head started to spin.

My legs started to tremble.

I'm fucking doomed. As good as dead.

Nikolai Braginski entered the room, his sharp and piercing gaze finding me right away. He glared at me with as much abhorrence as he could muster. Which was a lot. I physically felt the violent stab of his eyes. And that's saying something.

You've got to be kidding me.

How the hell can I room with him? He'll kill me. He'll freaking kill me when I'm asleep.

"Oh shit," Alfred muttered, glaring at Nikolai. "Looks like we have a commie in the house."

I cringed at his words. Former commie, Alfred. He's as much of a commie as I am.

Nikolai kept his steady glare on me. I gulped and quickly looked away. I started to open my suitcase and sort through my clothes nervously. I didn't even know what I was looking for. Maybe for a way to soothe the fire that was igniting within my body, the chills that ran down my spine, the unbelievable hammer pounding at my ribcage, the tingling sensation on my skin…

Oh God, Feliks will flip a shit when he hears about this. Eduard and Raivis will both be horrified beyond belief…

My Nikolai radar immediately flared to life. I sensed his every moment. He made his way to his bed…which was not far from mine. I knew Alfred was glaring at him. I knew that Nikolai was ignoring it. I knew that he wasn't going to talk much. But he didn't need too. His message was loud and clear as he sat on his bed, staring at the wall with a bitter expression on his face.

_Say one word and I will plunge my knife into your fucking gut so hard that your intestines will fall out. And I will enjoy every second of it._

My scars seared. Memories of his face covered in my blood filled my head. His eyes flashing dangerously as he rinsed his hands under the dirty basement sink. I was lying there, broken...wanting nothing more than to die…or for Nikolai to come and fix me. To undo the damage. But he never did. He gave me one more look of disgust before leaving me there.

A few more minutes of tense silence followed. Suddenly, a grouchy looking Alfred jumped up. "I'm using the bathroom," he mumbled.

I looked at him, my eyes pleading not to leave me alone with Nikolai. Yet, a part of me wanted him to leave…so I could be alone with the Belarusian. That definitely was not my common sense.

But Alfred remained oblivious as he locked himself in the bathroom.

I gulped, and stared at my bed, aware of Nikolai's presence. I dared myself to look over my shoulder at him. He just sat there, his eyes narrowed in hate, a shadow covering his face. His platinum blonde hair fell into his eyes and my breath was taken away at his…beauty. I know. It's awful. But I can't help it.

Should I say something? Anything?

"U-Um…" I choked out.

Wow. Good start, Elena. Bravo. That's really going to stop him from killing you now.

I think his eyes just narrowed a bit more. Shit.

My heart was literally pounding in my ears now. I couldn't think straight.

"N-nice w-weather, don't y-you think?" I choked out. I wanted to smack myself. And apparently so did Nikolai.

Because before I knew it, I felt my hair being pulled. Rather roughly. I let out a squeal of protest, but Nikolai's other hand covered my mouth.

His eyes blazed at me, his tower looming over me. "Let's get this straight. Next time you talk to me, there will be nothing left of you but bloody entrails. If I ever see you talking to my brother or my sister, I'll take your blood entrails and burn them. Got it?"

My head was aching and I couldn't breathe right. He was clocking my nose and my mouth from proper oxygen intake. Everything was spinning and I felt the tears form in my eyes.

I was afraid. Just like always.

Always afraid. Always helpless. Always enamored.

"I said, _got it?" _he spat, his voice hissing and icy. He yanked on my hair again, causing me to cry out a bit. He knew that pulling my hair was my weak spot. It really hurt me for some reason. I felt like my scalp was going to be ripped off.

I nodded fervently. Anything…ANYTHING to get him to stop pulling my hair.

The door opened and Alfred exited the bathroom. Before he could turn to look at us, Nikolai had let go of me, and was now sitting on his bed, the same grim expression on his face. He looked like he hadn't moved an inch.

And then, there I was. Covering my mouth to prevent a sob as the tears spilled down my face.

There is no way I'm getting any sleep this year.


	5. Blood

I was shaking all through dinner. And I wasn't hungry. I couldn't even swallow my juice. It was that bad. Both Eduard and Raivis were staring at me worriedly, but they didn't say anything. They knew that I wouldn't want them to ask me, and I'm grateful for that. At least for now. Feliks, on the other hand, not so much. At the very sight of my pale face, shaking hands, and inability to talk without stuttering, he had started to badger me.

"Okay, what the fuck is like wrong with you, Elena? You're freaking me out!"

Yet, I just shook my head. I could tell that he was getting pissed at me for my uncooperativeness. I couldn't blame him. If Feliks were in this position, I'd be freaking out as well.

I just sat there, my mouth glued shut, keeping my eyes forward. I didn't want to turn around and look at anybody. My confidence has been drained and it sucks. Yet, I could still hear everyone around me.

For some odd reason, everyone always tended to eat dinner at the school on the first night. That's probably because the food was best here…only on the first night. As the year goes by, the cooks get lazy and the food starts to turn to shit. That's when the nations return to their own homes, or go to other countries, for food.

So everyone was practically here. I could see it already. Near the end of the cafeteria were the infamous "Bad Touch Trio," or Gilbert, Francis, and Antonio. Gilbert seemed to have gotten some of his gusto back, as he was smirking and flinging grapes at both Roderich and Elizabeta, who were at a table not far from them. I was slightly glad about that. I honestly felt bad for what I had said earlier today.

At a table not far from theirs sat both the Italy brothers, Feliciano and Lovino, as well as Ludwig. Feliciano sat extremely close to a flustered looking Ludwig, while Lovino glared over at Antonio from his table. Typical.

Then there were the Asian nations…with the exception of Kiku, who didn't like to hang around his family. Instead, Kiku was sitting with the tense and rather sullen group of Mediterranean/Easterners…Egypt, Turkey, and Greece. Then there was the table of the Latin countries, including Mexico and South America. They all despised the North Americans, who were sitting not far from where I was.

There were just so many tables. So many nations. So many micro-nations. So many…cliques. It's quite hilarious, actually. That the nations of the world actually are petty enough to form cliques. Yet, it's just the way things seem to work.

I bit my lip and tried to calm myself. There was one empty table. It was the table that was always reserved for THEM.

The soviets.

The commies.

The oppressors.

The table that I used to sit at, scared out of my wits as I chewed on my food, avoiding the heated glare of Nikolai, the sad and nervous expression of Yekaterina, the cold smile of Ivan, and the constant fear of my brothers.

I don't sit there anymore.

Yet, it's still there. The sight made my stomach turn, as I pushed my plate away from me. I didn't even want to look at the food anymore.

"Elena…seriously! What the hell is wrong?" Feliks pleaded, now looking genuinely upset that I wasn't telling him anything. Both of my brothers were staring down at their food, looking extremely nervous.

I didn't know what to tell Feliks. That my new dorm mate was Nikolai? That he threatened me twice today? That I wouldn't be able to sleep all year? That I was in genuine fear of my life? Even more so than when I was under Soviet rule?

Yeah…that will go over so well.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. "It's nothing, Feliks."

"Bullshit! Something's bothering you! And…Eduard! Raivis! Why aren't you even asking her?" Feliks demanded, looking angrily at my two brothers.

The two exchanged glances before staring at me. They understood me. They had a feeling that it had something to do with one of _them. _

They didn't say anything.

Then, it happened. They came in to the cafeteria. My breath hitched as I watched the three walk in, their platinum colored hair shining menacingly, yet gloriously. A dark aura surrounded them and the temperature in the room seemed to drop about twenty degrees.

Ivan walked in front, tall, grand, almost beautiful looking with his head held high, his piercing violet eyes scanning the room, that eerie smile on his lips, his long coat brushing at his feet…yet I could see the dark and disheveled pain…something that wasn't usually there. Then there was Yekaterina, beautiful, with a gentle, yet sad expression on her face, her eyes sharp and her movements eerily robotic. Then…of course, Nikolai. Beautiful, icy, biting, frightening…those sharp eyes, so full of a fiery hatred, that pale face, that disheveled hair that fell in to his eyes…

The room seemed to immediately notice their presence. Everyone either turned away quickly and started to nervously shovel their food, or glared at them, whispering insults to each other…but it was all out of fear. Everyone feared them.

Some even turned to look at me and my brothers. I quickly looked down at my plate, determined to avoid any eye contact with Ivan, Yekaterina, or Nikolai…but I couldn't keep my eyes away for long. Something about them drew my vision. So I looked back up. Ivan sat there, conversing quietly and intimately with Yekaterina. Nikolai sat there, his arms crossed, his back slumped against the chair, glaring menacingly at the table in front of him.

And I noticed that his chair wasn't even that close to Ivan's. It unnerved me to no end. He was always ALWAYS attached to his brother. He tried to get as close to him as he could. For as long as I remembered, Nikolai was a leech at his brother's side.

But not anymore.

And I've been seeing that. In fact, I've barely seen them exchange a word. I haven't see Nikolai staring longingly at his brother. I haven't seen his limbs facing the general direction his brother was in, like they usually are. No.

Something happened.

Something that I shouldn't be concerning myself with because it's none of my business anymore.

I swallowed and looked back down at my plate. I attempted to stuff a piece of bread in my mouth, but I coughed a bit and immediately felt sick.

"…I get it," Feliks snapped. "It's them, isn't it? One of them did something to you!"

"Feliks…keep your voice down," I whispered.

"No! I won't!"

I stared at my friend. His voice was getting louder and his eyes were narrowing. Raivis and Eduard both stared at the two of us in shock, their eyes wide.

"Feliks…"

"You're free, Elena! You're like fucking free! You can't keep fearing them! They can't do anything to you!"

I felt the tears come to my eyes for no apparent reason. Maybe I was just afraid. I don't know.

"Yes they can. At least one of them can," I blurted out, instantly regretting it.

"It's him isn't it? That stupid Belarusian bastard!" Feliks spat as loud as he could.

We were attracting attention now. People were starting to stare at us.

I didn't want dare look at Nikolai's direction. I already knew that he had heard Feliks, and that he was probably plotting our death right now.

"Feliks…" Eduard warned.

"Don't…shit!" Raivis spluttered, his eyes in the direction of Ivan's table. That was not a good sign.

"I don't care if they hear me or not. Look at the way you three are acting! It's like nothing has changed!" Feliks burst out, crossing his arms. This was not good. Everyone was staring at us now.

"Seriously, Feliks! Shut the hell up!" I shrieked, a wave of hysteria building up within me. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit….

"Oh look, what do we have here?" Feliks suddenly said, a nasty smirk plastered on his lips. He was glaring over my shoulder and I didn't have to turn around to know that Ivan Braginski was standing there. I could literally feel his iciness dig into my skin and coat my lungs. I gulped.

"So the almighty Russia has come to join the party, huh?" Feliks mocked, his eyes glinting viciously. I was looking pleadingly at my friend, but he didn't acknowledge it. He only had eyes for the Russian. My stomach turned. I glanced over at both Eduard and Raivis, who were both staring wide eyed at Ivan.

"We're all playing nicely here, da? No petty gossip here, I'm assuming?"

I cringed. His voice sounded as it always did, innocent and cruel. I was going to get sick. I was literally going to throw up.

"F-Feliks…" I choked.

But Feliks ignored me. He stood on his feet, a dangerous smile on his face. "What exactly are you suggesting, Braginski?" His voice was laced with bitterness…and it frightened me. I've only see Feliks like this when he's at war or when he has every intention to kill. And I've never liked it. It scares me…almost as much as Ivan and Nikolai did.

And…and…Feliks was so much smaller than Ivan, as well as Nikolai. So if Nikolai came to intervene…Feliks would get hurt…so hurt. And I can't do much. I just can't…I'm so useless. I was wrong. I can't be independent and strong. I'm just hopeless Lithuania. That country who gets bullied around by big scary socialistic nations.

Ivan laughed lightly. It sent chills down my spine. "I'm only suggesting what you think I'm suggesting, my dear Poland."

I couldn't help it. I spun around to face Ivan. He loomed over me, icy, dangerous, his violet eyes flashing. No…I'm not going to shake. I'm not going to shake. I'm not going to shake. I'm not going to…

Nikolai stepped up next to his brother. He was glaring at me. Shit. I should've known that this would happen. His piercing eyes were digging fiery holes into my skin. I held my breath for a second before I forced myself to speak…

"I-Ivan, Nikolai…just go. Please. T-This doesn't concern you…"

Crap, I was shaking. Dammit. I don't want to be that trembling girl anymore. But here I am. Trembling. Go figure.

With a skip of my heart, I saw Ivan's eyes soften slightly. But Nikolai on the other hand…his eyes narrowed at me and a nasty smile made its way onto his lips.

Is it wrong that I actually find that smile extremely attractive?

Yes, Elena. Yes it is.

And that fact didn't help stifle the fear.

He pushed past his brother so that he stood in front of him. Ivan didn't resist, but a slight frown made its way onto his face. Nikolai was staring at me menacingly. I didn't look away, but I felt myself shaking uncontrollably.

"Well, well, well. It appears that the scum of the earth has spoken."

I cringed. His words stung, stung as much as they always did. I opened my mouth, but quickly closed it, knowing that nothing I said would fix anything.

"_Nikolai!" _Ivan warned, shadows appearing over his face. But Nikolai ignored his brother, his eyes full of hatred as they stayed on me. Should I say something? No…definitely not. I was already sharing a room with him. Anything I do or say now would result in what would happen in the dead of night when I was fully vulnerable.

"Well? Aren't you going to say something, you little bitch?" he spat at me. I bit bottom lip in an attempt to stop it from trembling. It seemed that with every single word he spoke, with ever single second he passed, he was getting closer to me. He was getting closer to pulling out the knife and plunging it in my chest…right here and right now.

Feliks spat, "Don't talk to her like that you fucking bastard!"

He made a movement to lunge forward, but Eduard grabbed him by the back of the shirt and held on to him firmly. Thank God. I can't afford to watch a fight break out. Especially between someone as special to me as Feliks, and the icy cold oppressors who were capable of heinous and sadistic torture.

Nikolai's sharp eyes turned to Feliks. His eyes darkened, and I knew something bad was going to happen. Then, in the next split second, moving so fast that I could barely process it, a sharp object went hurling straight for Feliks. He ducked just in time, and the sharp knife stuck itself against the wooden door frame of the door on the opposite wall. Everyone either gasped in fear, or stood up, their eyes showing that they wanted to get involved in this.

"брат!" exclaimed Yekaterina, her eyes wide in both fear and frustration as they filled with tears. She stared at Nikolai. "Please, stop this!"

Everyone was still. No one dared move a muscle. I held my breath. Every…single…movement…

Everything was dangerous.

The air was thick and tense and dark and cold…

Ivan's smile was faltering. His white hands were gently stroking his pipe. I gulped.

I'm going to throw up. I feel absolutely sick. So sick…so disgusted…so scared…I can't handle this. I thought that all of this was over once I ran away from Ivan's house over a year ago. But no. I come back, see them again, and on the first day, people are already throwing weapons.

Feliks…please, just stop…

I wanted to plead for him to just back down. To drop it. Anything. But I didn't dare open my mouth. First of all, I knew Feliks wouldn't listen to a damn word I say. He's a determined nation. Always has been. He knows how to get things done. He knows how to surge through periods of oppression and darkness, and still remain unchanged. He's not afraid to get hurt.

But not me.

I am easily scarred.

So easy to crack.

Way to easy.

And both Ivan and Nikolai know that.

Then all hell broke loose. Feliks broke away from Eduard's grip and lunged at Nikolai. What happened next…I couldn't tell you. I literally curled up in a ball right there, and screamed. But no one really heard me. Because everyone was now screaming and yelling and fighting and…everything was so disconnected. So cold.

I cried. Yes, I cried. I, the supposed "independent" country of Lithuania, curled up in a ball on a cafeteria floor amidst a horde of fighting nations, and cried. I tried to scream as much as I can, anything to block out the noise. I didn't want to know what was happening.

I should've known that something like this would happen.

Maybe it's best if I leave now. Never come back. Just stay in my country in isolation. I was the happiest then, reveling in the new freedom of my country.

Everyone says that interaction with foreign nations leads to success.

Not for me.

Then I felt someone grab my wrists. I screamed louder and squirmed, kicked, tossed…but the grip grew tighter. This mysterious person was strong enough to pull me to my feet and drag me away. I kept my eyes closed as I wept bitterly, making as much noise as I could to distract myself from the chaos that was occurring around me.

I gave up the struggle. I let the person drag me like a rag doll. I'm always a fucking rag doll anyways.

Then, the screams subsided. My sobs grew silent as I shuddered and spluttered incoherently. I kept my eyes squeezed shut. The air around me was a lot thinner. Quieter. The sounds of the chaotic fight in the cafeteria were dulled, muffled…

"Hey! Hey calm down!"

I bit quivering lip to stop any more sobs from escaping my lips. I opened my eyes. My vision was blurry at first, but Alfred eventually came into focus.

He had both his hands on my shoulders, looking down at me cautiously with wide cerulean eyes. He had a large cut down the side of his cheek, and there were a few tears in his clothing, but nothing serious. I hiccupped slightly and attempted to wipe the tears that kept cascading from my eyes. I tried, and failed to suppress my shuddering.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice soft and nervous. I was shocked by his genuine concern. I've never been paid attention to by the big shot nations…except for Russia. But obviously, that's a different story.

I wanted to nod yes, but I couldn't. Instead I shuddered again, unable to form words. I shook my head as I felt more tears leak out of my eyes.

Alfred sighed. "Come on," he said, gently taking my hand and steering me farther and farther away from the cafeteria doors. "Let's go back up to the room."

I let him lead me to our room, blindly. I wanted nothing more than to collapse on my bed and just cry. Or sleep. Sleep sounded good as well.

This may be the only time I'll be able to sleep peacefully.

I think I may have tripped up a few stairs, as well as stumbled over my feet, but I don't really remember. I am ashamed to think about how delirious and hysterical I was.

Maybe it's my mental cracking point.

Maybe I would eventually become like Ivan, mentally unstable, broken forever…

I do remember feeling the pillows meet my face as I fell onto my bed. I squeezed my eyes shut and took deep shuddering breaths. I was vaguely aware of Alfred's careful movements as he made his way to his bed. I heard the bedsprings creak as he sat on it.

Silence. Then…

"I'm sorry…you know…that that had to happen…"

I didn't respond.

"It sorta made me realize that that kind of shit must've happened to you all the time when…well…you know…"

He trailed off. I still didn't respond.

"And it sucks that you have to room with him…after everything you've probably been through…if it really bothers you, you could go down to the office and ask for a switch in rooms…"

But he sounded half-hearted. Room changes were pretty much nonnegotiable here. I never understood why, exactly.

Finally, I lifted my head from the pillow and sat up. I knew that my eyes were swollen and that my face was blotchy. The air against my bare face was cold and it made me shiver violently. Unwanted thoughts started to flood my head. What if Feliks got extremely hurt? Are my brothers okay? Was everybody else hurt? What about Yekaterina, or Ivan, or Nikol-

No.

I don't care if that bastard got hurt, or not. If anything, he deserved it. Then why can't I feel the rage I want to feel at him? Why do I feel more concerned than anything?

I looked at Alfred and attempted a weak smile. "It doesn't matter, anymore…" I said so softly, that it was almost a whisper.

Alfred looked genuinely sad. He stared straight at me, scarcely blinking, as if he were witnessing something amazingly tragic. I looked down at my hands quickly, slightly unnerved to say the least.

"Have you ever tried fighting back?" he asked.

I opened my mouth to angrily retort that I have, and it hasn't worked, but I faltered. Now that I think about it…I've never really fought. Only once. Once. And that was when I screamed at Ivan, cursed his household, and booked it. All too quickly for anyone to react. And even though I breathed in the fresh air of independence, it still broke my heart. Because to my horror, I realized that I actually cared for these people. I felt like I was betraying someone.

No. I never fought back because I was afraid of being hit, beaten, yelled at, punished…

My will was broken a long time ago. I was hoping that when I became independent, I'd rebuild that fighting spirit in me. And it did work. But apparently, I didn't build it up enough.

Because I am still scared shitless.

So I let out a breath and shook my head. "No."

Alfred was silent for another long second. Then he said, "Look, you don't have to really listen to me if you don't want to, because I obviously don't know shit. But maybe it wouldn't hurt to at least…snap back a bit. Now that you're independent, you have every right to do so."

I shook my head. "They'll just hurt me."

"Then pull out the knife or the gun or whatever. At least try and protect yourself," Alfred said, his tone becoming slightly annoyed. I don't blame him. He probably thought I was some pathetic excuse for a country.

And I wish I could follow his advice. I really do. But that's just not me. I don't have that "fighting spirit." I'm not like Feliks or Elizabeta, who won't hesitate to pull out the weapon and beat the shit out of someone when threatened or angered. I try and avoid conflict. I really do.

So I looked at Alfred full in the face and smiled half-heartedly. "Thanks…for everything."

He looked slightly taken aback, but then a confident smile broke out on his face. "No problem. I am the hero after all!"

XX

I spent the rest of the night sitting in the room, or wandering down the halls, asking anybody (okay, not just anybody…only the smaller, less intimidating micro-nations) for news. Were there any serious injuries? Were Feliks and my brothers okay?

Apparently, Feliks had landed himself in the infirmary, unconscious, and severely wounded. That nearly gave me a heart attack, but I was also told that he should be fine and that his injuries didn't have any damaging effects on his country. Both my brothers got hurt as well, but they weren't knocked out or anything. They just went to the infirmary for some bandages and medicine before they were released. There were several other injuries as well, and the infirmary was filled with nations. I started to feel like an absolute weakling. After all, I had made no attempt to fight. I had just curled up in a ball and started screaming while waiting for a nation like America to rescue me. Typical.

As for the THEM…well…Ivan was unscathed. Though I heard he had knocked several people out with his pipe out of defense. I think he caused most of the injuries. I don't know what happened to Yekaterina, but I'm assuming that she's okay. She always knew how to take care of herself, even if she was a bit of a crybaby. Nikolai…well…he was fine. Scary and ruthless, but fine. He got a few injuries, but nothing serious.

My blood chills at the thought of him hammering mercilessly down on Feliks. The thought makes me sick. It makes me want to cry. And to think that Nikolai was barely scratched…that just scares me. This is the man I am sharing a room with.

And I'm absolutely positive that he's pissed beyond belief right now. I have an eerie feeling that I'm going to be the one he's going to take his anger out on.

So I stayed under the covers. And waited. And waited.

Now it was past midnight.

Alfred was asleep. Jesus, he snores. Freaking annoying as hell. But it's not like I have the nerve to do anything about it. I am spineless Lithuania after all.

But Nikolai hadn't shown up. I don't know whether to be more scared, or relieved.

His vacant bed looked ghostly under the pale moonlight that filtered through the window. So I squeezed my eyes shut again. I can't take this. I can't…

The door opened.

I let out a whimper of fear. The footfalls that proceeded were heavy, dragging…laboring.

My heart stopped. The room was icy. Chills ran down my spine and my breath hitched. Something was wrong. I knew it was Nikolai who came in. But something was wrong. Extremely wrong. I didn't know how I knew this…but I just did. I could sense it.

So my curiosity peaked. I turned my head toward the door and opened my eyes. What I saw shocked me beyond belief.

It actually shattered my heart.

There was Nikolai.

And he was covered in blood.

It dripped all over his skin and stained his platinum blonde hair.

And it was his blood.

I could see that his clothes were tattered. His white skin had lashes and thick bruises. His eyes…I could see them. They were clouded in pain, in absolute misery…even fear.

For the first time, I didn't see that cold hatred.

He was biting his lip. As if to prevent himself from crying.

Something inside me completely shifted. My fear dissipated. I watched as he limped further into the room and closed the door behind him. Even in the moonlight, he stood out, as clear as day, a bloody, walking corpse.

This didn't make sense.

He got out of the fight unscathed.

I know he did. I actually saw him walk by earlier a few hours after the fight, but I hid before he could see me.

Then it clicked.

He must've gotten punished for his actions.

Punished for catalyzing an unneeded fight.

Punished by none other than the master of sadistic punishment himself.

His own brother. His beloved brother.

I felt sick again.

But it wasn't out of fear.

I was shocked by the sudden need to cry, to reach out, and comfort him. After all, he didn't deserve it. Not after all the things he's done to me.

But, I never knew that Ivan…that Ivan could ever hurt his siblings. Even if he detested and feared Nikolai, I never believed that he could bring the pipe down on him.

I sat up in my bed, and stared at him.

I know. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Something in me must really want to commit suicide or something.

Nikolai turned at the sound of my creaking bed, and I held my breath. His eyes narrowed, and a dark shadow swirled in his eyes. I gulped. He didn't move a muscle.

This was dangerous ground I was treading on.

But I plowed on anyway. Because I am the absolutely stupid.

"W-What happened?" I asked, my voice a hoarse whisper.

"Shut the fuck up, you lecherous little bitch," he spat at me. His voice, though wracked with pain, did not lack the usual venom. I cringed.

He turned back toward his bed, and opened his suitcase, his hands shaking. He pulled out a shirt, but the blood was dripping from his fingers onto the fabric, staining it scarlet. I could tell he was gritting his teeth.

I've never seen Nikolai Braginski tremble before.

"Aren't you going to w-wash up?" I asked. Why am I still talking? You'll probably regret this tomorrow, Elena.

"Fuck you."

Those two words stabbed me like knives. They sounded so venomous, so dangerous, so threatening, coming from his lips. But for some reason, I couldn't get myself to back down. Funny, how things always seem to revolve around him. I know he doesn't deserve it. Not at all.

"But you'll bleed to death…" I pleaded. I could feel the tears build up in my eyes.

He spun around to face me, his eyes filled with cruelty and a burning, fiery hatred. So fiery that I could literally feel the flames lick my skin.

He hissed at me, "You are an idiotic little cunt. I said that I'd kill you if you ever talk to me, or my siblings ever again. I should've gotten rid of you a long time ago, because you are a useless piece of shit. Count your breaths, you little harlot, because you'll be breathing your last tomorrow."

I gaped at him.

Ho…ly….SHIT.

Did he just say that to me?

Actually…I'm really not surprised.

It's just…been a while. It's a sickening thought to think that I expected remarks like these every day when I lived in the THEIR house. I guess I have to get used to them again.

Oh, and I have to watch my back, apparently.

I should've probably grabbed some sort of weapon while he wasn't looking, and hammered down on his skull. I should've probably defended my dignity by screaming at him or cursing him out. I should've shown the defiance that I, as a nation, truly possessed.

But no. Shamefully, I didn't do any of these things.

Instead, I turned toward my suitcase and started to dig. After searching through layers of clothing, I found it. My large first aid kit. Even though it was large, it still looked rather pathetic. I know that it had some sanity cloths, anti-bacterial cream, bandages, and an endless amount of gauze. The gauze should help with the bleeding.

So I started to numbly make my way toward him. And I stopped right behind him, his back still turned to me as he took out more things from his suitcase. It was even worse up close. I saw the thick lashes running up his back, dripping and spilling blood. I gulped. I cleared my throat.

He turned around, and almost jumped away from my close proximity in disgust. His eyes narrowed as he helplessly reached for his knife in his pocket, but his movements were clumsy, trembling, his face contorted with pain.

It was pitiful.

I took a few steps closer to him, my heart pounding uncontrollably, the air around me thick, hot, and cold all at the same time. I felt like I was floating for some odd reason, my stomach fluttering and my breaths shallow and uneven.

He was so much taller than me. Almost as tall as Ivan. My head barely reached his collarbone.

I held out the first aid kit to him. "Take it. Use as much as you want."

For the first time, my voice wasn't shaking. It didn't even sound scared. No…I don't know how it sounded.

For a split second, Nikolai looked genuinely shocked. But then the mask of hatred came back as he pushed it away, making my stumble backwards slightly.

"Why would I ever accept help from a low-life like you?" he spat.

Yes, the words hurt, but I wasn't perturbed. I held it out to him again. "Because you're bleeding up a shit storm."

Did I just really say that?

A flash of confusion washed over his face, but again, he quickly got rid of it.

"Get away from me!" he hissed snidely.

The constant drip drip of the blood was driving me crazy. It dripped everywhere, all over the floor, all over his bed…everywhere.

So I did what all crazy chicks, or masochistic nations do. I reached out and grabbed his wrist. Firmly, but gently. A shock wave went through me. The blood soaked all over my hand, but I kept my hold. Nikolai winced in pain, and his eyes were burning with abhorrence once again. He struggled to jerk his arm away, but he couldn't. A slight moan escaped his lips as his fingers uncurled, helpless…

Helpless.

Never would I have thought that Nikolai Braginski could be helpless.

He wasn't looking at me anymore. He was looking at his feet. But I could see his defeated face. No hatred. Bitterness, yes, but no hatred. Sadness. A lot of it.

"It wouldn't kill you to accept help, when you're offered it," I stated.

Where was this courage coming from? Where were these words coming from? Surely this isn't the spineless Elena?

The moonlight hit my arm hand on his wrist. The sleeve of my red top had pulled up a bit. My stomach turned as I saw the faint, but definite scars on my skin. I knew that if I were to be stripped, one would see that my body was covered in these scars. They viciously ravaged and snaked all over my skin…scars that would heal…but never truly fade.

And an abundance of these were caused by none other than the very person I was trying to comfort now.

And I saw it. Nikolai was staring at my arm as well. I couldn't read his face. It was blank and cold and steely. His violet eyes were frozen. I held my breath. Time seemed to stand still.

Then, ever so slowly, he reached out his other trembling arm, and gently wrapped his fingers around my hand. He carefully pried my fingers off of his wrist. Almost... tenderly.

I forgot how to breathe. How to think.

My heart was literally hammering away at my ears.

Never has Nikolai Braginski treated me with any form of subtle gentleness. With caution. It was almost as if…as if…

He turned his head to the side and glared coldly at the opposite wall.

"You're not the only one who has scars, you know," he whispered.

And I knew it was over. He pushed past me, causing me to stumble again, and made his way to the bathroom, leaving behind a trail of blood.

I stood there frozen for a second, the air magnetic and swirling and warm and cold and…hand tingling and electrifying…and…and…

I looked back at his bed. It was covered in blood.

I sighed shakily, and placed the first aid kit right on the bed, where it glowed under the moonlight.


	6. Rope

I couldn't sleep that night, but I never dared open my eyes. Not once. I didn't toss or turn either. Instead, I just laid there, holding my breath at uneven intervals before exhaling softly. I listened to Alfred's snores break the otherwise still silence. I saw strange distorting colors beneath my eyelids.

I was hyperaware of Nikolai's bed, glaring at my back as I kept my limbs still. But I didn't hear anything from that direction. Not a scratch, not a shift of movement, not even a discernible breath. I was so tempted to look over to see if he was okay, if he was even there, but I didn't. I just let it eat me up out of fear, out of confusion, out of strange adrenaline. My heart never stopped pounding against my ribcage that night.

But I guess I did finally drift off. Somewhere in the indefinite space between dawn and seven. Maybe sometime between dusk and dawn. I don't know. But it didn't matter, because I felt myself being shaken awake.

"Elena, it's time to get up. It's freaking seven, dude."

Alfred's voice was half-amused, half-annoyed. I squinted against the light of the room, and the American nation came into focus. His sandy blonde hair wet and messy, and his glasses jammed crookedly against his nose. He smelt nice. Like fresh grass.

And then another sound. Was that the sound of my alarm? Yes. Yes it was. I slammed my hand on the snooze button before forcing myself to sit up.

"Your alarm has been going off for about twenty minutes," Alfred remarked with a shrug.

I just stared at him. "Did it ever occur to you that you could turn it off?"

He smiled sheepishly at me. "I didn't want to risk touching the thing. Alarm clocks hate my ass for some reason. I can name a number of bad experiences with them. Plus, I was hoping that you'd wake up."

I frowned, rubbing my eyes. "I usually do."

It's true. I've never slept through an alarm clock. When I lived with Russia, sleeping through an alarm clock would have consequences. Awful consequences.

So it sort of became a habit of mine to spring up at the sound of the buzzer. Yet, I didn't today. Which is strange because I could've sworn that I wasn't able to sleep at all through the night. I may have drifted in and out, but I didn't really fall asleep…did I? Apparently I did.

"Well, you should start getting ready. We should grab something to eat before classes start," Alfred said as he walked over to his bed, slipped off his white T-shirt, and grabbed his uniform top.

My eyes snapped over to Nikolai's bed. It looked untouched. White. Pristine.

My breath hitched. Did he even sleep at all? And where was all the blood?

"Hey Alfred, did you happen to see Nikolai this morning?" I asked, trying to keep my voice nonchalant.

"No," Alfred responded with a bite in his voice. "I woke up and he wasn't there. But I had to call the fucking school service to get his bedspread replaced. There was blood all over it. I don't understand that dude. He's freaking creepy as hell…"

I gulped as my heart beat violently against my chest. So last night was real? It hadn't been a dream? I really did see him broken? Beaten? I really did approach him and offer him that first aid kit? I had the nerve to grab his wrist? He saw my scars? And then he touched my hand…gently…for the first time?

That really happened?

My fingers tingled and a chill went down my spine. "O-Oh…" I stuttered lamely.

"I'm sincerely sorry that you had to deal with him for such a long time. I can't even imagine," Alfred stated as he straightened his tie, and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked at me with wide, pitying eyes. The sight made me feel a bit depressed. "And Russia as well…God, Russia freaks me out."

"He's scarier than Ivan."

"Hmmm?"

"Nikolai. Belarus. He's scarier than Ivan," I repeated, not really sure why I was saying this. The thing is, is that I was always terrified of Ivan, despite the fact that it was Nikolai who did his dirty blood smearing work. But that was only on me. For some reason, Ivan never had the heart to hurt ME himself. He sure as hell didn't have a problem with my brothers, or anyone else for the matter.

But despite the fact that my blood has stained Nikolai's hands and face so many times, I could never bring myself to fear him because I found him intriguing, and because I wanted him…for myself.

But now, I see it. Nikolai Braginski is a terrifying man.

Yes, for many of the sensible reasons. Twisted, cruel, cold, ruthless, murderer, torturer, sadistic, sick, obsessive...not to mention the fact that he's threatened me with my life numerous of times.

But I'm also scared of him for entirely different reasons as well. I'm scared of seeing him break. And not in the psychotic way. No. In the emotional way.

I'm afraid to see him cry. I just don't want to see it.

Because it would break all resolve and willpower that I have.

I'm afraid of how much he's affected me in just the first day of seeing him again. He's all I can think about. He and his family are on my mind constantly, always wondering if they're alright, sincerely worried for their well-being, wanting to cry at the thought of their pain.

Don't they fucking deserve it?

"Oh God, this year's gonna suck. I don't want the Commie bastard sticking a knife up my ass or something," Alfred remarked with distaste.

I gave a small laugh. "Trust me. It's not you who should be worried."

I knew that the American was staring at me with scrutinizing eyes, wondering if I was joking or if I was serious. He probably also felt sorry as hell for me.

Well, that's the story isn't it?

Weak, pathetic nation who's been the subject of Marxist-Leninist oppression for years, and who also falls in love with the sadistic, twisted dictator-driven country who brings the knife, and/or pipe, and/or other sharp/heavy objects down on her to penetrate her skin, causing infinite bloodshed.

This bitch has gotta get real, here.

XX

"Elena, please talk to me! I'm like really sorry!" Feliks pleaded.

I ignored him as I ate another spoonful of oatmeal. I didn't even bother to look at him, sitting right next to me. I could already tell by the tone of his voice that his face was crumpling.

And no, I was not going to just forgive him. He scared the living shit out of me! He could've gotten hurt! So hurt! He was lucky that his country wasn't affected by this. And he wouldn't listen to me yesterday, dammit! I pleaded for him to stop. But he just had to keep egging the fight on.

Now, people won't stop talking and ranting about what the hell happened. Almost every nation I've run into sports some sort of bandage, bruise, cut, cast, or all of them. And they all looked at me. Just stared at me. Some whispered as I walked by, some looked at me with distaste…especially nations like Elizaveta and Seychelles.

Seriously, how petty can everyone get? Even as nations, we still act like gossiping mortals. Not only that, but because of the incident, the whole school was to be subjected to a long lecture by the Dean about conduct and control. There were rumors that a school-wide punishment would follow.

Everyone thought that I was the damsel-in-distress, the weakling, the little bitch who cries in the corner. Well, they sort of have a point.

I didn't fight. Can't people just understand that I didn't want to fight? That I was so overwhelmed? So terrified?

I glanced up to see both Eduard and Raivis across from me, silently eating their meals. I saw that they both had a few scratches on their faces, but nothing real noticeable. They were already healing very quickly. What would have happened if Nikolai or Ivan got their hands on them? I shuddered just thinking about the idea.

"Elena! Stop ignoring me! I'm trying to like apologize!" Feliks burst out, his voice starting to edge on anger. I snapped my head in his direction and glared. However, the look on his face made my resolve crumble.

I sighed. "Look Feliks, I'm not really happy with you, right now…"

"Oh Jeez! I couldn't tell! Like seriously! I'm sorry, okay? I just got really pissed…."

"Well, can't you please try and control it? I don't want something else like that to happen! You really scared me! You could've gotten hurt…" I took a deep breath and pointed to my brothers as well. "You two as well…you're all lucky you guys are okay…"

"But we're not! And I promise I won't do it again, okay? It's just…that damn psychotic bastard pisses me off to no end…I'm sorry Elena, but I don't care if you like him. He's bad news."

I clenched my teeth and glared forward. I knew that I shouldn't be angry. I knew that Feliks had a point here, that he had a just reason for not liking Nikolai. Hell, I don't even know why I don't despise him at this point. He tortured me cruelly for years on end, he never hesitated to make my blood pour, he now threatens me, terrifies me, attempted to mortally wound my best friend and my brothers….

I don't know.

I just don't know why I keep trying to justify him.

Maybe it was seeing him covered in HIS own blood for once. Maybe…maybe it's the possibility that I'm not the only one who has to endure that pain.

"_You're not the only one who has scars, you know." _

His words still played over and over in my head.

"He's my roommate," I clarified in a quiet, yet firm voice. I glared down at my hands, not wanting to take in either Feliks's, nor my brothers' expression. I gritted my teeth, the unbearable silence among us making me even more nauseous than I already felt.

"…Elena…"

It was Raivis. I looked up at him to see that he was staring at me with wide eyes. Wide eyes full of fear.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. There was nothing to say.

"H-Has he hurt you?" Eduard asked. I looked over at him, unable to say a word.

Did he hurt me?

He has before of course, and everyone here knows that.

But has he hurt me since school started?

He's threatened my existence, he's frightened me, he's insulted me…

But he hasn't actually brought down a weapon on me. Yet.

"No," I answered, the word feeling strange against my tongue.

Both Eduard and Raivis seemed to relax slightly, their faces filled with relief. They didn't say another word as they both stared down at their breakfast aimlessly. However, both looked as if they had lost their appetite.

I dared myself to look at Feliks. He was glaring aimlessly ahead, his eyes dark, his fists clenched against the table.

"Feliks…" I started.

"He WILL hurt you, Elena," He spat, venom coating his voice.

His tone made me flinch, flinch like the scared little girl that I was. I felt my eyes sting. I took another shaky breath and tried again, "Look…"

"No. I don't understand you. Don't you understand that you're putting your fucking life at risk here? The very existence of your country by permitting this?"

He turned his body so that he was facing me, his expression burning with a fiery rage.

"Feliks! There's nothing I can d-do about it, okay?" I exclaimed, feeling as if I were getting smaller and smaller with each pathetic word I said.

"Why the hell do you like, keep defending him? You know that a damn scumbag like him doesn't deserve it!" he yelled.

People were starting to turn their heads again. We were attracting attention. Again. I didn't want this. I really didn't want this to be happening again. But I couldn't stop myself from lashing back, straightening my back and glaring.

"He was hurt last night! Really badly! NO ONE DESERVES THAT!" I spat, visions of a blood-soaked Nikolai filling my vision. I shuddered at the memory, wanting nothing more than to just vomit. Or cry. Or die. Or anything.

"NEITHER DO YOU!" He yelled back, the volume of his voice seeming to increase with every word.

I was speechless. I felt like I was choking. The whole cafeteria was dead silent. And in mortification, I realized that everyone had heard our argument. My insides crumbled, but I couldn't tear my eyes from those of the bystanders. After a few seconds of awkward silence, the atmosphere of the cafeteria jerkily turned back to its original nature, as the chat started up once again, and people started to look away.

It didn't help anything, though. I dared myself to look in the direction of the table where _they _usually sat. Ivan was staring down at his plate, a blank expression on his face, Yekaterina was using her fork to aimlessly move pieces of her food around her plate. Then Nikolai…well…he was looking at me.

I seized up at the sight of his stare; his expression was unreadable. All I could really see were his eyes, which seemed to pierce right through me, seemed to analyze rather than merely glance. Out of instinct, I quickly looked away, anywhere…the table, the ceiling, even at the unappetizing food on my plate. After a few deep breaths, I dared myself to look at Nikolai; he was glaring moodily at the table, his eyes downcast, shadows flickering over his face.

My mouth felt abnormally bitter as I looked over at Felix, who was furiously eating his oatmeal, determinedly avoiding my gaze. Both Eduard and Raivis weren't doing anything to lift the mood either; the table was bathed in a somber silence.

"I've got to go," I said, my voice sounding as pitiful as a whimper.

Before the others could respond, I shot up from the table, grabbed my scarcely eaten plate of food, turned my back, and walked off. I dumped the food into the trashcan on my way out, tossing the plate into the plastic bin.

Goddammit, why does this shit happen to me? Finally…FINALLY…I get my freedom. I am independent after years of oppression, and then _this _happens. And why can't I just make myself not care anymore? Why can't I just accept the fact that I shouldn't be concerned with anything else but the affairs of my own country?

Why the fuck do I still have this sick desire to be around a country who finds a twisted pleasure in hurting me?

Jeez, I really am some sort of masochist.

I made my way back to the room, ignoring the aching of my limbs as I stomped up the stairs. My eyes were already drooping as I realized how tired I was; I guess I didn't sleep that much. Huh…go figure. At this rate, I knew that I probably wouldn't sleep all school year. Damn, I already wished that I could just go back into peaceful isolation in my own country, enjoying my freedom and my people and the fresh air of liberation.

But no. I'm stuck here; stuffed in a school with a whole bunch of other nations in order to stimulate the general knowledge of our countries.

I shakily pulled out the key and stuck it in the lock, twisting it, and then opening the door to my dorm. I slammed it shut behind me without another thought, and literally collapsed on my bed, breathing heavily. Immediately, my wary mind started to race again.

Fucking Poland. Damn him. I didn't care if he meant well. I didn't care if he was looking out for me. He just…he just didn't _understand_. He didn't understand anything about how I was feeling, how confused I was. Yes, I will hand it to him…he knows oppression under the Soviet Union. He knows hard core, unadulterated, terror at Ivan's hand.

But he didn't develop feelings for one of the "bad guys." Feelings that I know are sick and twisted and downright ridiculous, but real all the same.

I turned around on the mattress so that I was facing upwards, my eyes trained on the ceiling, making out shapes in the small, subtle cracks that weren't actually there. My mind was assaulted by snapshots of a certain Belarusian. His angry face, his blank face, his sullen face, his twisted-lustful face that he used to wear around his brother, his face covered in my blood, his…his…vulnerable face. That sad, broken face that I only ever saw him wear once or twice.

I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a frustrated groan as the tears started to spill down my cheeks. There was no way I could do this. I couldn't do this.

This was unhealthy. This was absolutely _ridiculous. _Hell, if I could go to a place where I would never have to see Nikolai again, I would. Just to rid myself of this insanity.

Before another thought could process in my head, the door burst open with a loud bang. I immediately gave a squeak as I jumped, bolting straight up as my eyes trained on the door way. My stomach flipped as I saw none other than Nikolai standing there, his violet eyes full of swirling flames as he stared straight at me. His knuckles were clenched and white, his jaw was rigid, and the shadows under his eyes intensified with each second.

Shit.

He was pissed.

Downright pissed.

And he was probably going to take it out on me.

I held my breath as I watched him use his foot to furiously kick the door, where it snapped shut with a large, ear-shattering bang.

I didn't dare move. I stayed in my position on the bed, my heart pounding against my chest partly in fear and…excitement? My limbs started to tremble uncontrollably.

His eyes narrowed as he whipped out his knife and pointed it directly at me. "Don't fucking move," he sneered.

I did as instructed, gritting my teeth to prevent myself from trembling to noticeably. My eyes followed his motions as he marched furiously over to his bed; he still had his knife pointed at me.

I did everything in my power to prevent myself from flinching. He could probably hear my heart from across the room.

I watched as he lowered the knife for a moment to rummage through his bag wordlessly, his motions swift and rash as he tossed out item of clothing after clothing. I could tell that he was getting angrier and angrier by the second. I could literally feel the intense mixture of bitter ice and scolding hot flame radiating from every inch of his body. Sickening, yet intoxicating.

Then, with a violent hitch of my breath, I saw that he had pulled out a rather thick piece of rope, which measured to about five feet. His eyes found me again, and I had the immediate instinct to look away or look down to escape the icy flames, but I couldn't. So I just stared on, trembling. I saw him bundle the rope in his hands hastily.

What…the…fuck?

And then, before I could even comprehend anything else, Nikolai was on my bed…no… _on me_, his legs straddling my waist, and one of his hands wrapped tightly around both of my wrists, pinning them above my head and against the headrest.

No…What…the…I couldn't breathe…properly…. My thoughts were swirling, disconnected, as my heart pounded violently against my chest to the point of pain. My breathing was ragged, coming out at dangerously uneven intervals. I immediately started to squirm under him.

"Stop squirming, you little low-life," he spat, his voice so cold, so biting; my body immediately responded to his command, my limbs going stiff. I prayed that my heart would just shut up, or at least stop beating so profusely.

He was so damn close…so, so close. I wanted so desperately to look straight into his eyes. I wanted to see something there, something that told me that this close of a proximity to me had some effect on him; I knew that it was just wishful thinking. The only thing I would see if I looked into his eyes would be pure, unadulterated disgust.

So instead, I just squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, grinding my teeth together to prevent myself from trembling.

Once I opened my eyes, I dared myself to arch my head slightly to look at him. My breath hitched as I realized what he was doing. With the rope in one of his hands, he skillfully, and harshly tied my wrists to the headrest. I couldn't help it; I squirmed out of a mixture of panic and adrenaline.

What. The. Fuck.

"I said stop squirming," he snapped at me, his eyes fixed on my wrists, one of his hands still pinning them, and the other still them to the bed rest.

I could feel the stinging burn of the rope as it dug harshly into my skin. I twitched my fingers, but he did not acknowledge my apparent discomfort. My breathing picked up once again and my stomach was flipping uncontrollably. I shifted my legs, not able to control the incessant need to squirm out of protest.

Dammit…he was tying me up to the damn bed! I'm not supposed to just pretend that this is completely normal.

Then, with another blink of an eye, I felt the cold blade of a dagger against my throat. I immediately froze, aware of the harsh sting of the rope digging into my skin, and the fact that circulation to my hands were being cut off. I bit my bottom lip and held my breath as I let my eyes travel up to Nikolai's face, which was looking down at me with dark antagonism.

His silvery hair fell into his eyes, casting strange shadows across his face…shadows that seemed to make him more intoxicating than he already was. I was still aware of the fact that he was straddling my waist; despite the fact that he looked so frosted…so cold…I could feel his body heat wash over me, warmth that sent the blood in my veins circulating at a dangerous rate.

Just a bit more pressure, and he would break my skin; I could feel it. My lungs ached from my lack of proper breath, but I kept my eyes on him, every sensory neuron in my body exploding.

I was so vulnerable. So so vulnerable. Here I was, fully exposed, unable to defend myself, my wrists tied to the bed, and Nikolai hovering over me, his blade on the skin of my throat.

"Do. Not. Defend. Me. You understand? I don't need your _fucking _pity," he snarled. His voice sent a shiver down my spine.

I remained motionless, my eyes staring straight into his face, my cheeks flushed. My hands were now numb, yet the rubbing sting against my wrists remained prominent.

"I said…" he applied more pressure to the dagger, and I let out a small gasp as he broke my skin, just a tiny bit. I knew that beads of blood were making their appearance.

"_Do you understand?" _

I nodded, biting my bottom lip so hard, that I could the metallic taste of blood seeped onto my tongue.

He remained motionless for a moment, his eyes cold as they pierced mercilessly into mine. I willed myself not to writhe in pain, for he kept the blade of his knife against my skin; was it just me, or was he applying even _more _pressure on my neck?

Then, in another swift motion, he removed the knife from my neck, placed both his hands on either side of my head, and leaned forward so that his lips were at my ear. I could feel his breath wash over my skin and I had to tell myself not to shudder.

"You are so _fucking _spineless, it's ridiculous," he said, his voice husky and breathy against my ear.

Holy shit.

My toes curled and I gritted my teeth.

"Such an easy target…." He drawled.

Before my mind could fully comprehend his words, I felt the tips of his fingers creep beneath my shirt, trailing against the skin of my stomach, his fingernails grazing over the thick ridges of the many scars that he, himself, had inflicted.

My mind was in a chaotic frenzy and the room seemed to heat up about a million degrees. The places where he touched my skin tingled and I immediately squirmed, the rope further digging into my wrists as I twitched my palms. I bit my lip once again to prevent myself from moaning.

His fingers stopped right beneath my right breast; I could feel him playing with the wire of my bra.

What the fuck…….

"Such a petty little _virgin _aren't you?" he said, his lips still hot against my ear. I could hear the smirk in his voice.

And I thought that I had felt exposed and vulnerable before…but never…EVER… in all my life, have I ever felt as vulnerable as I did right at that second.

And the twisted, sick fact was that…that… I found some sort of enjoyment out of it all. The heat swirled dangerously around me as my toes curled. The rope seemed to tighten its vicar-like grip on my wrists as my fingers twitched pitifully, yearning for some sort of circulation. The delicious feel of his breath against my ear made my stomach flip and my brain completely melt.

And…it was so wrong. It _should _be so wrong.

Finally, after another moment, he sat up straight, his face cold, inhabited by the all-too-familiar shadows as he took his knife and slashed swiftly through the ropes on my wrists, freeing them. I immediately let my arms drop as a small breath of relief escaped my lungs. My hands were prickling from the lack of circulation.

Without another word, he got off of me, and stood there at the foot of my bed, motionless, his eyes glazed over and eerily frosty.

"Again…another disturbance from you, you little bitch…" he sneered, before making a slashing motion with his knife, indicating the cruel fate he had planned for me.

I just nodded quickly and pressed my fingers to the cut he had left at my throat, which stung more than I thought it would. I withdrew my hand to see my fingers stained with blood.

Shit. That would leave another scar.

I dared myself to look back over at Nikolai, but I was too late. With a slam of the door, I knew that he had left the room.

There was a deafening silence that followed.

A silence that bore with it so much weight, so many conflicting feelings and emotions that I was left completely out of breath.

Again, so much for getting any sleep this year.


End file.
